The Ministry of Petty AffairsFile a grievance
Official guidance ยท holiday gift guide

Funny Christmas gifts under $5, officially approved.

Every office swap and family exchange has one gift people talk about all evening. These are personalized documents about the joke your group already shares: a royal writ, an HR report or an itemized invoice, each under five dollars, printed tonight and wrapped tomorrow.

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A finished Royal Court writ ready to wrap as a Christmas gag gift
Rolled, ribboned and read aloud
All under five dollarsEvery document is $4.99. The verdict card is free.
Nothing to shipIt opens right after checkout, so it works for last-minute swaps.
About your peopleEach one is written from the story you tell, so it lands with the room.

The gift list

$4.99White elephant swapA royal writ about the grievance the whole party knows. Gets stolen twice.$4.99Secret Santa for a coworkerA satirical HR report on their most harmless office habit, in an interoffice envelope.$4.99An itemized invoiceBill them for their worst habit: who paid, how much, and the Better Move.$4.99For a partner or spouseA formal complaint about the blanket theft or the thermostat, delivered with love.$4.99For a roommateThe dishes, the leftovers, the soaking pan, formally charged.$4.99Retirement or farewellCharge them with leaving the team, then send them off with a final plan.$4.99Office party awardMost likely to reply all, documented with findings instead of a plastic trophy.$4.99From the petA complaint against the cat, for the person who will frame it.FreeA free verdict cardOne shareable petty verdict for the group chat, made in seconds.

How to choose

The Royal Court suits family, partners, friends and roommates. HR suits coworkers and office swaps. The ECA Invoice suits anyone whose habit everyone quietly pays for. If you are unsure, go with the joke the most people in the room will recognize.

How to wrap it

Roll a printed writ and tie it with ribbon, seal an HR report in a manila envelope stamped CONFIDENTIAL, or fold an invoice into an envelope marked FINAL NOTICE. The wrapping is half the reveal.

Keep it kind

Pick something harmless the recipient would laugh at too. The documents exaggerate the ceremony, not the facts, and every invoice ends with a way to settle up.

Example language from the record

The Court finds the accused guilty of reassigning the good wrapping paper to their own gifts and sentences them to wrap one present for each person in the household before Christmas Eve.

Questions entered into the record

How fast can I get it?

Each document is written as soon as payment is confirmed and opens right away to print or save as a PDF, so it works the night before a party.

Is anything shipped?

No. Everything is digital and printable, which keeps every gift under five dollars.

Are these real legal or HR documents?

No. They are satirical novelty documents for entertainment, with no legal, employment or official standing.

The best gift is the inside joke, made official.

Pick the format that fits the person, describe the grievance, and print it the same day. Each finished document is $4.99, no subscription.

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