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Official guidance ยท breakup letter

A breakup letter, issued by royal decree.

Some relationships end with a talk. Others end with a formal writ dissolving the shared Netflix account, the carpool or the friendship with a roommate who borrowed your good pan in 2023.

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A Royal Court writ used as a funny breakup letter
The Court dissolves the arrangement
For playful breakupsRoommates, group chats, carpools, fantasy leagues, gym memberships and bad habits.
Official and finalFindings, a ruling and the terms of separation, all under the royal seal.
Ready to deliverDownload, print or share as soon as payment is confirmed.

Keep it for the funny endings

This is for low-stakes breakups that deserve ceremony: leaving a group chat, ending a carpool, firing a fantasy league commissioner. For real relationships, a kind conversation still wins.

State the terms

The Court likes specifics. Who keeps the good pan? Who gets custody of the shared streaming password? Put the disputed property in the petition.

Leave room to make up

The best breakup writs end with a ruling that invites a truce, like one returned pan and a shared pizza.

Example language from the record

The Court hereby dissolves the shared streaming account and orders the accused to return the borrowed cast-iron pan, seasoned, before the next full moon.

Questions entered into the record

Should I use this for a real breakup?

No. It is satire for playful situations, not a way to end a serious relationship.

Who do I name as the accused?

Anyone or anything: a roommate, a group chat, an appliance or a habit.

Is it legally binding?

No. It is a novelty document with no legal standing.

Petty grievances deserve due process.

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