The Ministry of Petty Affairs

Terms of Service

Effective October 12, 2026

These terms are an agreement between you and the Ministry of Petty Affairs ("we", "us"), which runs this website. By using the site or buying a writ or report, you agree to them.

The short version This is a comedy product. Writs and reports are satire with no legal or official standing. Each one is written for your filing as soon as you pay and released to you right away, so all sales are final. Don't use it to harass anyone.

1. What we offer

The Ministry turns everyday grievances into satirical documents: a Royal Court writ, an HR Department incident report, or an ECA Invoice. In these terms, “writ or report” includes the ECA Invoice. Every writ and report is a novelty item for entertainment. It is not issued by any court, government, employer, or human resources department, has no legal effect, and is not affiliated with any real organization. An ECA Invoice is not a bill: nobody owes anything because of it.

2. Who can buy

You must be at least 18, or the age of majority where you live, to buy a writ or report. You may use the free preview and samples if you are at least 13.

3. What you submit

You're responsible for what you type into a filing. Don't submit:

threats, harassment, hate, or content meant to embarrass or intimidate a real person;
claims that someone committed a crime, abuse, or serious misconduct;
anything about a child;
private information such as full names with addresses, phone numbers, workplaces, health details, or account numbers.

First names or nicknames work best. You give us permission to send your filing to our service providers so we can write your writ or report, and to store the result until it is delivered, as described in our Privacy Policy. We may refuse or stop processing filings that break these rules.

4. How writs and reports are written

Once your payment is confirmed, your writ or report is written by an artificial intelligence writing service (currently OpenAI), guided by our instructions. Nothing is written before you pay. Paid writs and reports are always written this way. If the service can't write yours right away, we show an error and keep your filing so you can try again from your recovery link at no extra charge; see the Refund Policy if it still can't be delivered. The free preview is a filing receipt showing your names and an excerpt of your own words. Public sample filings are drafted from our pre-written templates. After purchase you can edit the wording of your writ or report from your recovery link. Edited wording is yours, and section 3 applies to it as it does to your filing. The writing exaggerates for comic effect. It may be inaccurate, may not match your expectations, and does not state facts about anyone.

5. Price and payment

A writ or report costs US $4.99 per filing, unless a different price is shown before checkout, plus any taxes shown at checkout. Payments are processed by Stripe. We never see or store your card number.

6. All sales are final

Because each writ or report is written for your filing and released to you as soon as payment is confirmed, all sales are final and non-refundable except as stated in our Refund Policy, which is part of these terms. Before paying, you'll confirm that you understand this and ask for your writ or report to be released right away.

7. Using your writ or report

Once delivered, you may download, print, and share your writ or report for personal, non-commercial use. Please don't present it as a real legal, court, or workplace document, or use it to harass, threaten, or defame anyone. The Ministry's name, design, artwork, and templates remain ours.

8. Delivery and access

Your writ or report opens in your browser right after payment. The page address (your recovery link) reopens it for 90 days. After that it is deleted, so download or print it promptly. Anyone with your recovery link can view your writ or report, so share it carefully.

9. No warranties

The site and its writs and reports are provided "as is" and "as available", without warranties of any kind, to the extent the law allows. We don't promise the site will always be available or error-free.

10. Limit of liability

To the extent the law allows, we are not liable for indirect, incidental, or consequential damages, or for how you or others use a writ or report. Our total liability for any claim relating to the site or a writ or report is limited to the amount you paid for it.

11. Changes and governing law

We may update these terms; the effective date above shows the latest version, and the version in effect when you buy applies to that purchase. These terms are governed by the laws of the Commonwealth of Virginia, United States, except where the consumer laws of your home jurisdiction say otherwise.

12. Contact

Ministry of Petty Affairs · support@ministryofpetty.com